death

Our good friend Terry Dilley passed away about two weeks ago and we held his funeral today. He was a really wonderful guy. I'll miss him and miss the opportunity to talk with him. He was just brilliant. 

He had been ill for some time. We were all sad as we watched him deteriorate. He was last himself during Advent season while teaching a small group of us about Anglican history. He complained a little about feeling weak and having some difficulty swallowing. 

Terry was received into the Episcopal Church in Minnesota about 10 years ago or so. I had met him in passing about 25 years ago then again at Christ Church about 8 years ago. Of course, I had heard much about Professor Dilley over the course of those intervening years. I may have met him again on occasion but just don't remember.

He and I were among a small group of people who lead our little church through some very difficult times. I don't think Terry enjoyed that... but none of us did and he was a rock through it all. After it had blown over and we moved on he and I talked often about church and literature. I loved listening to him though much of what he said was way out of my experience.

The family was sad but strong.

They held a great party for him tonight with a nice jazz band and good food and friends.

Vigil

The Exsultet

Chanted the Exsultet at the Vigil last night.

Well... I should say I attempted to chant the Exsultet.

I murdered it pretty soundly.

Being a Deacon is not always easy.

Power

The source of all church power, from popes to pastors, from mother superiors to novices, from lay ministers to people in the pews, is, we know, the Holy Spirit. And church power is always, at heart, pastoral power. It’s power given for the care and flourishing of God’s people. Church power, in all its forms, is meant to hold us in harmony with God’s unseen order. It isn’t wilful; it isn’t controlling. It is slow to condemn and slow to excommunicate. Rather, it’s meant to hold us in God’s mercy. It’s meant to hold us in Christ’s arms where we experience the healing touch and feel the breath of the divine. That’s the heart of the church’s power – to gather and to hold to tell again and again the story of God’s fidelity, to break the bread and share the cup.  Donald Cozzens

I read this and immediately apply it to my call as a deacon. This is the heart of my ministry and the reason for my call. I might add the thought of how this power, gifted to the church by the Holy Spirit, is a power to reach out and touch all God’s children and all of creation; that pastoral power extends out to all whether in or out of the church. The Gospel reading this week was John 4 where Jesus passes through Samaria and reaches out with grace to a Samaritan woman staying two days and touching many. This is my call as a deacon and our call as the church.

 

Proper 21 - Money

Terry D. and I were talking a few weeks ago about an article that we read in the Times or the Wall street journal about a guy who claims that the bible holds keys to investing… if we learn them and put them into practice we can become wealthy investing in the stock market. I guess he’s made millions because he knows these “keys”. Clearly this guy isn’t familiar with today’s readings… the article didn’t list the “keys” to investing that made this man millions of dollars… nor the title of the books he sells or his booking agent for the seminars that he’ll offer us.

 
But money itself isn’t evil… right? It’s necessary in this life… or seems to be.  It would be nice if it wasn’t such a worry though wouldn’t it? It would be nice if we all had enough and some left over. The basic American dream of financial security for now and the future is less and less a reality for many. Many of my neighbors are chasing bills not dreams. Many of my neighbors are a health crisis… or a broken down car… or a fridge that just stopped working away from more debt, debt that eats more of their paycheck… which means less for groceries, let alone less for the future. In Mower County the poverty rate is 18%, the percentage of children in our public schools on free and reduced lunch is around 50%. There’s plenty to worry about when it comes to money.

We live in a world of those who have and those who don’t. Unfortunately the gap between the two is growing. Acquisition of wealth is left to a smaller and smaller number of people. Truly, issues of economic justice are near the heart of God and today’s readings reflect that. Money… as in the acquisition of wealth… is wrapped up in the power systems of the planet… and many millions… probably billions… suffer injustice on that account. The voices speaking about money are varied. The voice that concerns me is the voice that talks loudly about the status that comes with wealth, the voice that says the more you have the better you are, the more you have the closer you are to God, the more you have the more power you have. These voices claim that personal affirmation, personal vindication, personal happiness and satisfaction are found only by size of your paycheck, your savings account, the size of your house, the beauty of your possessions, your stock portfolio, the car you drive, the cloths you wear, the food you eat, and on and on… This voice devalues people. God doesn’t devalue people. These are not the voices of God.

 
Of course people with wealth are not evil simply because they make tons of money. I think on this point the scripture is clear. The sin comes through attitude, choices, through a life lived. And so I think about the guy from the article I read. The one who makes millions in the market by applying God’s “hidden secrets of accumulating great wealth”… I don’t know how he lives. Maybe he gives much of his earnings away to feed the hungry and cloth the naked. Maybe he’s informed by these scriptures and is aware of the great needs in his community and in the world.  Maybe he cares more for those around him than he does his own personal comfort and status.

Today these scriptures speak to me about contentment… about a life lived in pursuit of simple and deeply spiritual practices. They are about putting money into proper perspective. These scriptures are about recognizing where I go wrong and coming back around to the right path… A path that leads me to the center of the mystery, which is God, who dwells where no one has seen or can see… These scriptures are the voice of God speaking from the unapproachable light, a voice which consistently calls me to seek contentment in a life given more and more to the good confession, of becoming rich in good works and generosity, to pursue “righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance, and gentleness”. Money is of little account in the pursuit of this calling.

A Working Deacon

I am now a deacon at Christ Church, Austin and at Christ Church, Albert Lea. This did not come as a shock to me. I had been wondering about it for months if not for the past year. I love Christ Church, Austin having spent the last ten years significantly involved in all aspects of parish life here… and discerning my call here as well, but Albert Lea has been in my prayers for some time. Albert Lea and Austin are similar in size and culture. Both towns grew up through the early part of the last century, both became packing towns, both went through decline and both have seen a significant change in demographics over the last 30 years. Albert Lea and Austin have enjoyed a healthy rivalry in the past but not a healthy kinship. They are sister towns that avoided any real or meaningful friendly connection. I’m guessing that it was the fact that rival companies drove the economies of the two towns.

I was excited when I heard the news. Others were not. I consider this assignment a charge of trust by my Bishop but others see it as a slap in the face. I am not feeling real good about that and have been on the receiving end of some vitriol, as if somehow I politicked to make this happen. Albert Lea has made it very clear that they are excited to have me serve as deacon in any capacity that I can. The Priest-in-Charge and senior warden were very gracious at our initial meeting. My assignment to Christ Church, Austin is a cause for celebration and joy as well but I’m afraid that will be overshadowed by the thought that they’ll have to share me. It’ll take time for the dust to settle.

To Dismiss or not to Dismiss

My first real “issue” as a deacon at Christ Church has taken place. Only four weeks into my diakonate. I’ve been proclaiming the dismissal for quite a number of weeks now and as we are in Pentecost I am not adding the “Alleluias”. The first few weeks it was as if the congregation was confused. They’ve grown accustomed to hearing the “Alleluias” at all times but during Lent I think. My attempt to get back in keeping with The Book confused everyone with laughs and giggles. The third Sunday I heard someone say, “Hey, what about the Alleluias?” I’ve been spreading the word that I’m not adding them because I’m following the “rubrics”... just doing what the BCP outlines. No big deal. We all laughed but I stayed the course. Last Sunday went better. People are getting it. Then the priest and I got together to “fine tune”.

She brought up the Dismissal. She mentioned the pause and thought it was too long. She then brought up the “Alleluias”. I told her I was following the rubrics. She started out by saying that it was my call... we talked back and forth about how people were confused and waiting for the Alleluias. I felt it was pretty clear that she wanted me to add the Alleluias. I told her that it was her call. She said she wanted consistency. I told her if she wanted me to add the Alleluias I would ... that I didn’t care (isn’t true... I actually do care a lot and think this is an opportunity to teach the BCP and our traditions). I don’t want to rock the boat.

The thing that is really bothering me is that the priest wants me to add the Alleluias but at the beginning of the dismissal. For instance, “Alleluia, Alleluia, go in peace to love and serve the Lord”. I have never heard it said this way. I asked her if she were sure. She said yes. I told her that I had never heard it said that way. She told me that this is the way it always is done.

I am wracking my brain to remember ever hearing the dismissal spoken this way... and a little sad about missing out on an opportunity for teaching... I think I may appear to be a complete fool saying the dismissal this way and confuse everyone while doing it... and wondering if this is my future as a deacon, to be more or less "told" how to do it and when to do it when I feel I know how to do it and when to do it. 

I am a servant.

"Above all the grace and the gifts that Christ gives to his beloved is that of overcoming self".

                                                                Saint Francis

Sunday 2 as Deacon

Two Sundays a Deacon. 

I wear the collar on Sundays and of course, the stole over my alb. This is really new. I think I am different. I feel the role in any case. I don't feel more powerful or more holy, or even more spiritual though I do feel a new motivation perhaps... maybe a new and deeper sense of my calling. My footing is firmer... I definitely feel that my feet belong on this path.

I am caught up in a greater story. As a layperson I felt that same sense of wonder but this is a bit different and so have been deconstructing that feeling. Why should I feel different? Why should I think differently? Surely we are on even footing... that is, there is no separation between clergy and laity... we share the same calling... we are called to be saints together... called to be priests together... called to service (diakonia) together. So my ordination is a lateral calling. I stand beside my fellow christians.

Hermitage of St. John of the Desert

On a different note altogether... The morning after my ordination I awoke with some heartburn. I rolled around in bed trying to find some relief but it persisted. I finally got up at about 4:00 or so to walk around to see if that would help and realized quickly that it was getting worse. I woke J up and told her that she would need to bring me in to emergency. We also awoke our sister in law and asked if she could drive us in as we were staying with her (my brother was in the BWCA). In any case it had gotten pretty severe by this time and so we felt we should call 911! Pain lessened by the time paramedics got there and then we drove in to the emergency room. Gall bladder attack! I thought I was having a heart attack and that this might be it. Many thoughts ran through my mind as I was curled up on the floor waiting for the paramedics. I was probably scared but I was surely disappointed. Ordained in the evening and dead in the morning definitely went through my head... but mostly was just disappointed that I might go this way... on my brother's floor with my wife and sister-in-law pretty nervous and worried... and my girls all sleeping obliviously in rooms around the house. I felt pretty helpless... and shocked that I might go without a chance to say my goodbyes etc... It really made me think of how people face death. Some may get the chance to go peacefully, surrounded by loved ones, saying their goodbyes but others leave in great pain and shock, curled up on a floor with no chance at last minute words of love. Pretty sobering. I have surgery this month.