continuing on

I was feeling more stressed than I thought I was through Lent and into Holy Week. Easter felt like a stone rolled away and off my back. I had a great dinner with family and that added to the feeling of relief. School seems lighter, Classes are lighter as I'm only doing a Saturday workshop in a month with little reading and no online requirements this time around, and I canceled my clay class at the Art Center. I'm nearly ready to go with CPE this summer. I am applying for candidacy so things are moving right along though not without some anxiety. 

I worry about time and what time might do to Christ Church. Its felt like a long road for some of us. I want to make sure we are moving along in a good way; positive and hopeful. It feels like we've been in transition for many many years. I want us to make sure we are minding ourselves and not worrying too much about the present situation. We need to see ahead and be hopeful. I am worrying about our cohesion as a faith community. I feel we are losing touch with each other and feel there isn't much I can do about it but encourage everyone. There are no crises at the moment but there doesn't seem to be much spark either. We need a focus on what's real, honest, and important... and I'm not feeling that.

Jumping into a new thing

I knew this was a winding road.
I am now in formation with gaol of being ordained a priest, God willing and the people consenting of course. Christ Church voted to move to a "Ministry of All the Baptized" model of governance and ministry and I was stirred to consider, then discern, then pursue what I felt/knew to be a call.
It was a lot easier last fall when I had made the decision and then began to share it. It seemed like the right choice and I felt good about it. This hasn't been a constant feeling. It hasn't been very easy lately. Of course I have a lot going on; School for Formation, trying to sort out a future placement in CPE, teaching classes at the Art Center, making sure I take care of business at school, and worry about house and family. It's a lot to take on... maybe a little too much going on.
On top of that I'm constantly thinking about Christ Church and how we are going to fare in the future. I'm confident we'll be able to carry on and have some hope that we might be able to do better than carry on.
Not seeing the road clearly... and fearing the worst at times is not fun.

So long and then Compline

It's been so long since I felt the need or the desire to post on this silly blog. Just now I was reading Psalm 31 in Compline and the thought came to post it. 

Compline is such a wonderful and quiet prayer. I read this for deacon Mary-Frances just two days before she died. She was a little agitated when I sat by her bed. She drifted in and out of sleep but would talk between times. I asked if I could pray with her and chose Compline. As I read she would awake and smile. We held hands. After I finished we said our goodbyes. 

In you, O Lord, have I taken refuge;
let me never be put to shame:
   deliver me in your righteousness.

Incline your ear to me;
   make haste to deliver me.

Be my strong rock, a castle to keep me safe,
for you are my crag and my stronghold;
   for the sake of your Name, lead me and guide me.

Take me out of the net that they have secretly set for me,
   for you are my tower of strength.

Into your hands I commend my spirit,
   for you have redeemed me,
   O Lord, O God of truth.

death

Our good friend Terry Dilley passed away about two weeks ago and we held his funeral today. He was a really wonderful guy. I'll miss him and miss the opportunity to talk with him. He was just brilliant. 

He had been ill for some time. We were all sad as we watched him deteriorate. He was last himself during Advent season while teaching a small group of us about Anglican history. He complained a little about feeling weak and having some difficulty swallowing. 

Terry was received into the Episcopal Church in Minnesota about 10 years ago or so. I had met him in passing about 25 years ago then again at Christ Church about 8 years ago. Of course, I had heard much about Professor Dilley over the course of those intervening years. I may have met him again on occasion but just don't remember.

He and I were among a small group of people who lead our little church through some very difficult times. I don't think Terry enjoyed that... but none of us did and he was a rock through it all. After it had blown over and we moved on he and I talked often about church and literature. I loved listening to him though much of what he said was way out of my experience.

The family was sad but strong.

They held a great party for him tonight with a nice jazz band and good food and friends.

Vigil

The Exsultet

Chanted the Exsultet at the Vigil last night.

Well... I should say I attempted to chant the Exsultet.

I murdered it pretty soundly.

Being a Deacon is not always easy.

Power

The source of all church power, from popes to pastors, from mother superiors to novices, from lay ministers to people in the pews, is, we know, the Holy Spirit. And church power is always, at heart, pastoral power. It’s power given for the care and flourishing of God’s people. Church power, in all its forms, is meant to hold us in harmony with God’s unseen order. It isn’t wilful; it isn’t controlling. It is slow to condemn and slow to excommunicate. Rather, it’s meant to hold us in God’s mercy. It’s meant to hold us in Christ’s arms where we experience the healing touch and feel the breath of the divine. That’s the heart of the church’s power – to gather and to hold to tell again and again the story of God’s fidelity, to break the bread and share the cup.  Donald Cozzens

I read this and immediately apply it to my call as a deacon. This is the heart of my ministry and the reason for my call. I might add the thought of how this power, gifted to the church by the Holy Spirit, is a power to reach out and touch all God’s children and all of creation; that pastoral power extends out to all whether in or out of the church. The Gospel reading this week was John 4 where Jesus passes through Samaria and reaches out with grace to a Samaritan woman staying two days and touching many. This is my call as a deacon and our call as the church.

 

Proper 21 - Money

Terry D. and I were talking a few weeks ago about an article that we read in the Times or the Wall street journal about a guy who claims that the bible holds keys to investing… if we learn them and put them into practice we can become wealthy investing in the stock market. I guess he’s made millions because he knows these “keys”. Clearly this guy isn’t familiar with today’s readings… the article didn’t list the “keys” to investing that made this man millions of dollars… nor the title of the books he sells or his booking agent for the seminars that he’ll offer us.

 
But money itself isn’t evil… right? It’s necessary in this life… or seems to be.  It would be nice if it wasn’t such a worry though wouldn’t it? It would be nice if we all had enough and some left over. The basic American dream of financial security for now and the future is less and less a reality for many. Many of my neighbors are chasing bills not dreams. Many of my neighbors are a health crisis… or a broken down car… or a fridge that just stopped working away from more debt, debt that eats more of their paycheck… which means less for groceries, let alone less for the future. In Mower County the poverty rate is 18%, the percentage of children in our public schools on free and reduced lunch is around 50%. There’s plenty to worry about when it comes to money.

We live in a world of those who have and those who don’t. Unfortunately the gap between the two is growing. Acquisition of wealth is left to a smaller and smaller number of people. Truly, issues of economic justice are near the heart of God and today’s readings reflect that. Money… as in the acquisition of wealth… is wrapped up in the power systems of the planet… and many millions… probably billions… suffer injustice on that account. The voices speaking about money are varied. The voice that concerns me is the voice that talks loudly about the status that comes with wealth, the voice that says the more you have the better you are, the more you have the closer you are to God, the more you have the more power you have. These voices claim that personal affirmation, personal vindication, personal happiness and satisfaction are found only by size of your paycheck, your savings account, the size of your house, the beauty of your possessions, your stock portfolio, the car you drive, the cloths you wear, the food you eat, and on and on… This voice devalues people. God doesn’t devalue people. These are not the voices of God.

 
Of course people with wealth are not evil simply because they make tons of money. I think on this point the scripture is clear. The sin comes through attitude, choices, through a life lived. And so I think about the guy from the article I read. The one who makes millions in the market by applying God’s “hidden secrets of accumulating great wealth”… I don’t know how he lives. Maybe he gives much of his earnings away to feed the hungry and cloth the naked. Maybe he’s informed by these scriptures and is aware of the great needs in his community and in the world.  Maybe he cares more for those around him than he does his own personal comfort and status.

Today these scriptures speak to me about contentment… about a life lived in pursuit of simple and deeply spiritual practices. They are about putting money into proper perspective. These scriptures are about recognizing where I go wrong and coming back around to the right path… A path that leads me to the center of the mystery, which is God, who dwells where no one has seen or can see… These scriptures are the voice of God speaking from the unapproachable light, a voice which consistently calls me to seek contentment in a life given more and more to the good confession, of becoming rich in good works and generosity, to pursue “righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance, and gentleness”. Money is of little account in the pursuit of this calling.