Friday, July 20

Lately, or I should say, more and more, I’m thinking about getting back to my home faith community. And of course, what I should be doing as a deacon in my home faith community. 

I may be getting ahead of the game I suppose but I’m not trying to get a “jump” on things; I’m only reacting in a normal and natural way to what is rising in my heart. 

I think in this respect my “internship” has been very good. It has been a good time for reflection. 

I am in an “in-between” time. 

I am immersed in a new and different faith community with no position, knowing that it will be temporary. 

It is a waiting time. 

It is a time for listening. 

Though I do feel called to Austin and to Christ Church I may hear otherwise. I want to be open. I want to hear what the Spirit is saying. 

That was an important aspect of the “internship”; to take me out of my familiar surroundings, to see a different expression of the same faith, and to expect the Holy Spirit to speak still.

The 7th Sunday after Pentecost

I saw a colleague from my cohort of postulants the other day and visited with him for a few minutes about our internship. We asked each other in turn how things were going and agreed that we are basically observing and participating as “members”. He made a comment that the priest at his host community told him that he didn’t want him starting anything that he would have to continue after he was gone. Clearly this makes a lot of sense. I spent some time thinking about this on my way home from my host community. I am more or less a visiting member. I am trying to be a committed and active member while I’m with St. Paul’s and am enjoying the fellowship and worship. I am learning but only by observation and the occasional question that I might ask. There is no formal program at St. Paul’s for interning a candidate. To be fair, I wasn’t a postulant when I was introduced to St. Paul’s and being a postulant doesn’t guarantee that I will be ordained. I do appreciate the casual approach of the priest and deacon at St. Paul’s. They have many years of experience and want to make sure that I have the space to discern where my gifts and ministry move me. However, I think it would be good for an intern to do some things that a Deacon would do. Read the Gospel, set the Table for Holy Eucharist, and dismiss the people. Maybe shadow the deacon during an outreach ministry in the community.

This mornings first lesson:

David and all the people with him set out and went from Baale-judah, to bring up from there the ark of God, which is called by the name of the LORD of hosts who is enthroned on the cherubim. They carried the ark of God on a new cart, and brought it out of the house of Abinadab, which was on the hill. Uzzah and Ahio, the sons of Abinadab, were driving the new cart with the ark of God; and Ahio went in front of the ark. David and all the house of Israel were dancing before the LORD with all their might, with songs and lyres and harps and tambourines and castanets and cymbals.

So David went and brought up the ark of God from the house of Obed-edom to the city of David with rejoicing; and when those who bore the ark of the LORD had gone six paces, he sacrificed an ox and a fatling. David danced before the LORD with all his might; David was girded with a linen ephod. So David and all the house of Israel brought up the ark of the LORD with shouting, and with the sound of the trumpet.

The priest began his homily by speaking about David’s dance before the ark, how the lesson left out a bit of the story where Uzzah reached out to steady the ark which was being carried on a cart and was killed by the “glory” of the Lord. Later David learned how the ark should be carried and gathered the people of Israel to transport the ark. He danced wildly before the ark, stopping every six paces to offer sacrifices. David danced so before the Lord to save himself and his people from being destroyed. He danced to save his life! After this short reference the priest mentioned the General Convention of the Episcopal Church and read a Wall Street journal article that blasted the Convention, The Presiding Bishop, and the Episcopal Church. He also read a couple of responses to this article from an Episcopal Bishop and a layperson that detailed the errors of the WSJ article. He came right to the point and made a statement that was really profound. We like David are “dancing” before the Lord to save our selves. We are engaging in the “questions” of the day and pushing forward despite what others do or say. We must. 

"Staying"

One of the most telling images for the importance of staying is the advice given by another nameless elder to a brother struggling with temptation: "Go. Sit in your cell and give your body in pledge to the walls”. You have to promise yourself to yourself and to your actual environment, as if you were settling a proposal of marriage. You have to espouse reality rather than unreality; the actual limits of where and who you are rather than the world of magic where anything can happen if you want it to. The fantasy world is one in which I am not promised, espoused, to my body and my history---with all that this entails about my family, my work, my literal physical surroundings, the people I must live with, the language I must speak, and so on. It is a rather startling intensification of the command to love yourself in the right way.

This passage is from the book Where God Happens by Rowan Williams. It’s found in a chapter entitled Staying. I began reading this book months and months ago and for one reason or another put it aside a number of times. Each time I picked it up I read something that spoke to me. I’m making the effort to get through it during my summer months when I’m a little less pulled away though I’m finding I’m as much pulled away as I am during the school year. The subtitle of the book is “Discovering Christ in One Another” but it's really a meditation of lessons of living a devout and spiritual life taken from the desert mothers and fathers.

This chapter on “staying” is just rich. It speaks to me of my wandering mind and the boredom and monotony of everyday living. I must pledge myself to my life as it is and where it is. I can’t forsake the simple things like regular prayer, whether I “see” the mountaintop or the desert valley. This is a rich book that I will need to go back to again and again.