The office reading for tonight
from the Old Testament is Job 3.1-26. If anyone might lay claim to feeling so
bad that he wished he were never born it might be this man, Job, but the curse
laid on his birth day is epic. This is Job’s opening salvo at the injustice of
all that has happened to him. I can relate to these words and feelings. My
complaints pale in comparison and amount to no more than pathetic self pity. When I
read these words I admit that I feel that Job is justified at least. Last night
I had one of those nights. Confusion about my call, anxiety about the firing of
my kiln, frustrations about my failures as a dad, my struggles from day to day,
and a few other minor irritations swirled around me like biting flies. Thanks
be to God the “torment” didn’t last long. I was able to quiet myself and the
“flies” at least stopped biting. It wasn’t long and I was asleep with the
thought that God will sort things out and in the morning I would see things a
little more clearly. And so it was.
An email came from the Bishop’s
office the other day containing a few points addressing some questions from us
“second years”. Some of my colleagues have asked if our internship could be
extended a few months or more. The Canon through whom the email came stated
that this was allowed as long as all parties agreed. I talked with my host
priest and we decided that it was worth praying about. I also shared with my
sponsoring priest. I think this caused some concern and will soon be visiting
with her about this. She and I have talked about my coming back and both of us
have felt excited about that. We will have an interesting visit I think. I do
want to be back and serving in my home/sponsoring faith community but I do have
reservations and want to be open to the Holy Spirit. Maybe hanging around St.
Paul’s for a couple of extra months will reveal something new?
