Autumn

Advent is around the corner and things are changing. Of course things are changing, this is what the season is about.

My internship with Saint Paul's will conclude at the end of Advent. I wish I could say that I'm really looking forward to it... or do I wish I could say that I wish it wouldn't be ending so quickly. I'm ready for it to be over but I have some real concerns about the direction some things are taking. I have this strong sense that once ordained and serving in a faith community I will be "used" to plug gaps in "ministry". I feel like I might be stuck in something that I really don't have a desire to do. Right now that's kid's formation. I like hanging around with the little kids (teens as well) but this is not what I feel called to. What I feel called to, is what I’m trying to sort out during my internship, where I am helping out with the little kids. Working with, being with, or teaching little kids (and teens) can be fulfilling and fun... I can take satisfaction in that I am helping the community in a really practical way as well... I’m watching kids while mom and dad get a chance to take part in formation of their own, I’m giving mom and dad a break, I’m giving the kids a chance to experience the scripture and the prayers of the church, I’m allowing others to take a break from the responsibility of doing this, and the list goes on. And while doing this at Saint Paul’s I have been told/asked/encouraged that I will be taking over the “youth group” at Christ Church when I return. OK. I feel like I’m being asked to plug gaps... is that what Deacons do? I confess... I’m disappointed. I thought the ministry of the Deacon would be something a little more... important?... more sophisticated?... more adult? Well... maybe it is... or maybe it isn’t. I shared my feelings with J and with my “mentor Deacon”. Both were sympathetic and agreed with me. I shouldn’t merely be used to fill ministry gaps, or take up the slack because people are tired or just unwilling to step up. I agree with their agreement but... on the other hand... a Deacon is a servant. So I’m hearing the Holy Spirit whispering to me that, “This is what I’m calling you to. I’m calling you to fill the gaps.” So I need to continue to think on these things but I’m not nearly as concerned as I was or as fearful.

My vision for my ministry is beginning to become more focused... some of this vision I can't articulate at this point. I don’t know how I will “live into it”. I know it has something to do with reaching out in the community, opening my ears and eyes to the lives of the people in the community, especially among the working class and the new comers and their families. I want to reach out beyond the walls of the church to bring “church” to these people as well, to “plant” expressions of “church” in nontraditional ways and places. Evening Prayer in the park, Morning Prayer at the coffee shop, and other “rest stops” for busy lives. I want to see the church (Faith Community) offering “ministries” to needs; Recovery groups, Parenting groups, Support Groups, and I want to see Christ at the center of these activities, touching the lives of people.

Of course I want to be an integral part of the worship of the Faith Community as well. I feel I’m gifted in some sense to be a presence at the Liturgy and feel that this “grace” will be intensified at my ordination. The church needs these “icons”... and I’ve consistently felt this as a calling.

So, things seem to be progressing as they are meant to be. I will be “preaching” at Saint Paul’s before I leave. A scary idea but one I am willing to take on. I’m going to be “preparing” some homilies in the next few weeks as practice and will post them on this blog. It’ll be good practice.