To Dismiss or not to Dismiss

My first real “issue” as a deacon at Christ Church has taken place. Only four weeks into my diakonate. I’ve been proclaiming the dismissal for quite a number of weeks now and as we are in Pentecost I am not adding the “Alleluias”. The first few weeks it was as if the congregation was confused. They’ve grown accustomed to hearing the “Alleluias” at all times but during Lent I think. My attempt to get back in keeping with The Book confused everyone with laughs and giggles. The third Sunday I heard someone say, “Hey, what about the Alleluias?” I’ve been spreading the word that I’m not adding them because I’m following the “rubrics”... just doing what the BCP outlines. No big deal. We all laughed but I stayed the course. Last Sunday went better. People are getting it. Then the priest and I got together to “fine tune”.

She brought up the Dismissal. She mentioned the pause and thought it was too long. She then brought up the “Alleluias”. I told her I was following the rubrics. She started out by saying that it was my call... we talked back and forth about how people were confused and waiting for the Alleluias. I felt it was pretty clear that she wanted me to add the Alleluias. I told her that it was her call. She said she wanted consistency. I told her if she wanted me to add the Alleluias I would ... that I didn’t care (isn’t true... I actually do care a lot and think this is an opportunity to teach the BCP and our traditions). I don’t want to rock the boat.

The thing that is really bothering me is that the priest wants me to add the Alleluias but at the beginning of the dismissal. For instance, “Alleluia, Alleluia, go in peace to love and serve the Lord”. I have never heard it said this way. I asked her if she were sure. She said yes. I told her that I had never heard it said that way. She told me that this is the way it always is done.

I am wracking my brain to remember ever hearing the dismissal spoken this way... and a little sad about missing out on an opportunity for teaching... I think I may appear to be a complete fool saying the dismissal this way and confuse everyone while doing it... and wondering if this is my future as a deacon, to be more or less "told" how to do it and when to do it when I feel I know how to do it and when to do it. 

I am a servant.

"Above all the grace and the gifts that Christ gives to his beloved is that of overcoming self".

                                                                Saint Francis

Sunday 2 as Deacon

Two Sundays a Deacon. 

I wear the collar on Sundays and of course, the stole over my alb. This is really new. I think I am different. I feel the role in any case. I don't feel more powerful or more holy, or even more spiritual though I do feel a new motivation perhaps... maybe a new and deeper sense of my calling. My footing is firmer... I definitely feel that my feet belong on this path.

I am caught up in a greater story. As a layperson I felt that same sense of wonder but this is a bit different and so have been deconstructing that feeling. Why should I feel different? Why should I think differently? Surely we are on even footing... that is, there is no separation between clergy and laity... we share the same calling... we are called to be saints together... called to be priests together... called to service (diakonia) together. So my ordination is a lateral calling. I stand beside my fellow christians.

Hermitage of St. John of the Desert

On a different note altogether... The morning after my ordination I awoke with some heartburn. I rolled around in bed trying to find some relief but it persisted. I finally got up at about 4:00 or so to walk around to see if that would help and realized quickly that it was getting worse. I woke J up and told her that she would need to bring me in to emergency. We also awoke our sister in law and asked if she could drive us in as we were staying with her (my brother was in the BWCA). In any case it had gotten pretty severe by this time and so we felt we should call 911! Pain lessened by the time paramedics got there and then we drove in to the emergency room. Gall bladder attack! I thought I was having a heart attack and that this might be it. Many thoughts ran through my mind as I was curled up on the floor waiting for the paramedics. I was probably scared but I was surely disappointed. Ordained in the evening and dead in the morning definitely went through my head... but mostly was just disappointed that I might go this way... on my brother's floor with my wife and sister-in-law pretty nervous and worried... and my girls all sleeping obliviously in rooms around the house. I felt pretty helpless... and shocked that I might go without a chance to say my goodbyes etc... It really made me think of how people face death. Some may get the chance to go peacefully, surrounded by loved ones, saying their goodbyes but others leave in great pain and shock, curled up on a floor with no chance at last minute words of love. Pretty sobering. I have surgery this month.