Advent 3, 2013

I preached today at Saint Paul's. I was pretty shaky. Everyone was really nice. I guess I was feeling a bit of pressure however it made me a lot more nervous than I wanted it to.
I think it's going to take some time and some hard work to get better at this. Having had no training beyond a public speaking course at WSU and having generally felt nothing but terror at the thought of standing on front of people to make a "speech" I'll have a lot to overcome. 
Deacons must preach... through actions but also through words. There's just no two ways about it. I like the idea of preaching and I have to say there's something about it I enjoy. 

Here's a few things I'll need to do:
Immerse myself in the material.
It's ok to be serious... use humor rarely.
Pauses are ok.
Rehearse.

Here's my Homily for Advent 3, 2012:

Advent 3, 2012 Homily

What are we waiting for? Who are we waiting for?

Advent is about waiting... and asking these two questions I think.

I saw the cover of the USAWeekend last week. In bold letters it read, “The End of the World is not Near”... with a subtitle that read... “You’re in Luck! From prophetic Maya calendars to killer asteroids, experts tell why you have nothing to worry about”.

I suppose this is good news of a sort… but we’re waiting for Christmas... not the end of the world. We’re in luck! The Lord is near.

Last Sunday we read that the “word of God came to John”... this is how the career of the prophet is typically announced in scripture. The word of the Lord came to Zephaniah as well.

Zephaniah proclaimed the end of the world and John makes it sound like we should be waiting for the end of the world. And at least some those who listened to him may have been earnestly waiting for it. John belonged to a long line of prophetic tradition in Jewish literature. He sounds a lot like many of the prophets we read in the Old Testament.

The themes they preached are the same. They preached basic justice. Prophets of God say things like, “If you have, share with those who have nothing and don’t live a lavish lifestyle while your neighbors are starving. If you rule do so with humility and don’t think others are less worthy than you. If you have a position of power and authority do your duty honestly and without cheating those you should protect… “, And so on. The third chapter of Zephaniah, from our readings today, proclaims that God will “save the lame and gather the outcasts”. Doesn’t that sound like Jesus? This message was the message that Jesus preached. It’s the message that Jesus lived. This kind of message is worth rejoicing over! But the prophets weren’t merely preaching a new and better ethical lifestyle. They were preaching the coming of the Kingdom of God. The message was this; the Kingdom of God is radically different than what you know. The Kingdom of God is otherworldly. The world where God reigns, is a world completely set to rights… and so on… their preaching really was the Good News.

But… we do have some very colorful and fantastic language concerning the coming of this Kingdom to deal with. That’s putting it nicely. Sometimes the language is really frightening. This “coming” might be called the Day of the Lord, or the Great day of the Lord... or even the Great and Terrible Day of the Lord.

The book of Zephaniah begins this way… “I will utterly sweep away everything from the face of the earth, says the Lord. I will sweep away humans and animals; I will sweep away the birds of the air and the fish of the sea”. And likewise we read John saying, “You brood of vipers! Who warned you to flee from the wrath to come?” and he goes on about axes and trees being thrown into the fire… and we know he’s really talking about people.

Prophetic language is strong. It’s sort of a divine rhetorical device. It’s metaphor. It grabs our attention. People are like trees… but people will not be chopped down and thrown in a fire. I think that what the prophets were saying is that what we have now (the kingdom here in this world) will not do. It has to go. There is no room for it when the Kingdom of God appears. The two “kingdoms” cannot exist in the same place at the same time.

So… what are we waiting for?

Jesus came to bring a kingdom with him. We know now… being on this side of the story that the Kingdom he brought didn’t come with a sword. The kingdom would be realized in the community of faith living out the kingdom principles that have been preached for a thousand years or more and in following Christ who came as the “suffering servant”, the King who emptied himself even to the point of the cross.

Advent forces us to ask again… Who are we waiting for? Clearly we’re waiting for the celebration of Christmas but we’re not there yet.

John says, “...one who is more powerful than I is coming; I am not worthy to untie the thong of his sandals. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire. His winnowing-fork is in his hand, to clear his threshing-floor and to gather the wheat into his granary; but the chaff he will burn with unquenchable fire.” This sounds apocalyptic... this must be for the Second Advent.

I’m not sure if that’s how the metaphor works. The Gospel accounts reveal that Jesus spoke to people where they were at and sometimes where they were at was not where they needed to be. Just read the Sunday Lectionary for the past three months. I think you’d agree that Jesus really did hold a winnowing fork in his hand. A few years ago a thought occurred to me... I wondered how I could possibly in good conscience try to convince someone to consider following Christ. I mean this could really cost. I’m still working through this. The words of Jesus feel like a winnowing fork sometimes... do you feel that?

I want to suggest that we are waiting for the Day of the Lord but that day has already come and... We are waiting for Christ who calls out to all who are heavy laden, because he will give them rest and who is also the Lord who stands with a winnowing fork in his hand and is already clearing his threshing floor.

Amen.

"On Call" mini-pastoral-experience

I’ve been helping out at Christ Church for the last few weeks as the “on call” go to pastoral resource person.

It’s been an interesting three weeks.

I got a call from the Altar Guild about someone leaving the candles burn down, a couple of email notices about parishioners who were in surgery or who were in the emergency room and a raft of calls and emails about a pretty serious “interpersonal problem” with a person who is new to the church and is “crossing boundaries” all over the place.

There was some good response to the issues on the part of some individuals, including me but there wasn’t a structural response by the community. The Rector not being there must have had something to do with that but my feeling is that if she had been there, there may have been even less of a “community response” and more of a “clergy response”. I think this is an area where our faith communities need to improve. There needs to be a better networking of members and better structures in place to help rally the members, or at least to keep the members informed when they need to be.

It was a good experience and confirmed to me that I’m on the right track and following God’s call.

Ordinary 27

Ordinary 27

Readings and Homily

1 Kings 17:8-16

The word of the LORD came to Elijah, saying, "Go now to Zarephath, which belongs to Sidon, and live there; for I have commanded a widow there to feed you." So he set out and went to Zarephath. When he came to the gate of the town, a widow was there gathering sticks; he called to her and said, "Bring me a little water in a vessel, so that I may drink." As she was going to bring it, he called to her and said, "Bring me a morsel of bread in your hand." But she said, "As the LORD your God lives, I have nothing baked, only a handful of meal in a jar, and a little oil in a jug; I am now gathering a couple of sticks, so that I may go home and prepare it for myself and my son, that we may eat it, and die." Elijah said to her, "Do not be afraid; go and do as you have said; but first make me a little cake of it and bring it to me, and afterwards make something for yourself and your son. For thus says the LORD the God of Israel: The jar of meal will not be emptied and the jug of oil will not fail until the day that the LORD sends rain on the earth." She went and did as Elijah said, so that she as well as he and her household ate for many days. The jar of meal was not emptied, neither did the jug of oil fail, according to the word of the LORD that he spoke by Elijah.

Psalm 146

Hallelujah!Praise the LORD, O my soul! *

I will praise the LORD as long as I live;

I will sing praises to my God while I have my being.

Put not your trust in rulers, nor in any child of earth, *

for there is no help in them.

When they breathe their last, they return to earth, *

and in that day their thoughts perish.

Happy are they who have the God of Jacob for their help!*

whose hope is in the LORD their God;

Who made heaven and earth, the seas, and all that is in them; *

who keeps his promise for ever;

Who gives justice to those who are oppressed, *

and food to those who hunger.

The LORD sets the prisoners free;

the LORD opens the eyes of the blind; *

the LORD lifts up those who are bowed down;

The LORD loves the righteous;

the LORD cares for the stranger; *

he sustains the orphan and widow,

but frustrates the way of the wicked.

The LORD shall reign for ever, *

your God, O Zion, throughout all generations.

Hallelujah!

Hebrews 9:24-28

Christ did not enter a sanctuary made by human hands, a mere copy of the true one, but he entered into heaven itself, now to appear in the presence of God on our behalf. Nor was it to offer himself again and again, as the high priest enters the Holy Place year after year with blood that is not his own; for then he would have had to suffer again and again since the foundation of the world. But as it is, he has appeared once for all at the end of the age to remove sin by the sacrifice of himself. And just as it is appointed for mortals to die once, and after that the judgment, so Christ, having been offered once to bear the sins of many, will appear a second time, not to deal with sin, but to save those who are eagerly waiting for him.

Mark 12:38-44

Teaching in the temple, Jesus said, "Beware of the scribes, who like to walk around in long robes, and to be greeted with respect in the marketplaces, and to have the best seats in the synagogues and places of honor at banquets! They devour widows' houses and for the sake of appearance say long prayers. They will receive the greater condemnation."

He sat down opposite the treasury, and watched the crowd putting money into the treasury. Many rich people put in large sums. A poor widow came and put in two small copper coins, which are worth a penny. Then he called his disciples and said to them, "Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put in more than all those who are contributing to the treasury. For all of them have contributed out of their abundance; but she out of her poverty has put in everything she had, all she had to live on."

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Psalm 146, appointed for today, gives us as clear a picture of God’s Good News as in any other passage of scripture. God is the God who cares for the stranger, sustains widows and orphans, feeds the hungry, opens the eyes of the blind, brings justice to the oppressed, and “the Lord lifts up those who are bowed down”. The imagery is just rich with God as defender, helper, protector, and comforter. These are the images that make our hearts sing. May God grant us an ever more expansive imagination so that we can take in the depth of this vision. It is radical and transformative. This is the consistent theme found in Holy Scripture... it is the theme of Jesus’ preaching and life on earth... it is the theme of the Kingdom of God... it is to be the theme of the “Community of God”, the church, which reflects the life and grace of Christ.

Jesus sits down opposite the treasury of the temple. The treasury is a decorative container where people would bring their contributions for the temple. There were a number of them spread throughout the temple. These “containers” were ostentatious... like everything else in the temple from all accounts. This was a beautiful place.

Jesus watches as people presented their “offerings”. Many rich people came by and dropped in large amounts of money... then comes this widow who throws in two small copper coins... “Then he called his disciples...” He seemed to be waiting for this moment. He tells them that she puts in more than all the others who have contributed because she gave out of her great need... in fact... she gave all she had to live on. End of story... I don’t know about you but I want to hear about how Jesus went to the widow and commended her for her contribution and encouraged her faith and her faithfulness. I want to hear about how Jesus commanded his disciples to give her what she needs to live for the next year... We don’t know what happens. We don’t know if Jesus spoke to this woman or if the disciples met her great need. Frankly I’m shocked... the more I think about this story the more I wonder. The disciples, and we... ought to be outraged... this poor widow just gave everything she had to live on... so... how is she going to live?

Elijah was a prophet of action... and in the passage from First Kings we read that God spoke to him and told him, “Go to Zarephath... I have commanded a widow there to see to your needs” and Elijah goes. He finds the woman gathering sticks for a fire and tells her to fetch him some water... “And while you’re at it make me a small piece of bread as well”. She tells him that she has just a little left and is now gathering a few sticks so that she can go home, cook a last little meal for her and her son... then starve to death. We know the story... how Elijah declares the “Word of the Lord” and her oil and meal last for many days for the three of them.

I wonder if this story occurred to Jesus as he watched the poor widow give away the last of her money... the only thing keeping her from possible starvation?

No doubt there are lessons here for us about giving. Maybe we are to be more like this widow who gives her last two cents for the sake of the kingdom? Maybe we need to consider the percentage of our giving and remember this poor widow who gave 100%? Clearly we need to do better than the many wealthy people Jesus watched give out of their great wealth.

I can’t escape the feeling though... that Jesus was doing more than merely contrasting the giving of the wealthy with that of the poor widow who gave everything. These people were giving to the temple, for the Temple, for it’s maintenance, and the continuation of the elaborate culture that attended the Temple.

Look at the context of this passage. It reads like vignettes from a “day at the Temple”. Jesus had been refuting the “scribes”, the teachers of the law and the religious leaders of the day and now he sat teaching his disciples in the Temple. He condemns the scribes as pompous and arrogant, watches the people contributing to the Temple Treasury, then later, when leaving the Temple, is more or less dismissive of the Temple... “Then Jesus asked him, ‘Do you see these great buildings? Not one stone will be left here upon another; all will be thrown down.’”

I want to suggest that Jesus is pointing out the failure of contemporary spirituality... that the religion of the day had abandoned the “weightier matters of the law” for an exacting subservience to ritual and the trappings of the Temple. I want to suggest that Jesus was pointing out that God is more concerned for the needs of this widow than for the beautiful Temple... that the Temple is not the heart of true worship and righteousness.

I think there’s a lesson about religion here as well. What is the nature of our religion? What are the hallmarks of our religion? Well... maybe “our spirituality” is better? Or maybe “our faith” is better? What about “our belief in God”? By “religion” we would mean the “entirety of our tradition”... so for us as Episcopalians it means our Book of Common Prayer, our church building, our Sunday Eucharistic Service, and a whole lot more I guess... but you get the idea.

Well... Jesus was pointing something out. He was pointing out where the religion of the day had gotten it wrong. It had gotten it wrong at least in part with this “picture” of a poor widow giving her last bit of copper, the last bit keeping her alive, to the Temple. The scribes, the wealthy, and the other worshippers ought to be taking care of this poor widow. I’m just not convinced that Jesus was pointing out this poor woman’s giving as a pattern for us to follow... (We’re not asking for people to give us the last of their resources... the last little bit keeping them alive are we? Now that would be a bold Stewardship campaign! Be like the poor widow and give to your church!) In the Letter of James we read, “Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to care for orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world.” The world is a mean place... it glories in power, wealth, celebrity, and influence... at the expense of everything.

The heart of our religion is caring for those who need our help, those who are alone in the world... this is the Heart of the Gospel of God.

Amen.

Ordinary 24, 2012

Readings and Homily

Isaiah 53:4-12

Surely he has borne our infirmities

and carried our diseases;

yet we accounted him stricken,

struck down by God, and afflicted.

But he was wounded for our transgressions,

crushed for our iniquities;

upon him was the punishment that made us whole,

and by his bruises we are healed.

All we like sheep have gone astray;

we have all turned to our own way,

and the LORD has laid on him

the iniquity of us all.

He was oppressed, and he was afflicted,

yet he did not open his mouth;

like a lamb that is led to the slaughter,

and like a sheep that before its shearers is silent,

so he did not open his mouth.

By a perversion of justice he was taken away.

Who could have imagined his future?

For he was cut off from the land of the living,

stricken for the transgression of my people.

They made his grave with the wicked

and his tomb with the rich,

although he had done no violence,

and there was no deceit in his mouth.

Yet it was the will of the LORD to crush him with pain.

When you make his life an offering for sin,

he shall see his offspring, and shall prolong his days;

through him the will of the LORD shall prosper.

Out of his anguish he shall see light;

he shall find satisfaction through his knowledge.

The righteous one, my servant, shall make many righteous,

and he shall bear their iniquities.

Therefore I will allot him a portion with the great,

and he shall divide the spoil with the strong;

because he poured out himself to death,

and was numbered with the transgressors;

yet he bore the sin of many,

and made intercession for the transgressors.

Psalm 91:9-16

Because you have made the LORD your refuge, *

and the Most High your habitation,

There shall no evil happen to you, *

neither shall any plague come near your dwelling.

For he shall give his angels charge over you, *

to keep you in all your ways.

They shall bear you in their hands, *

lest you dash your foot against a stone.

You shall tread upon the lion and adder; *

you shall trample the young lion and the serpent under your feet.

Because he is bound to me in love,

therefore will I deliver him; *

I will protect him, because he knows my Name.

He shall call upon me, and I will answer him; *

I am with him in trouble;

I will rescue him and bring him to honor.

With long life will I satisfy him, *

and show him my salvation.

Hebrews 5:1-10

Every high priest chosen from among mortals is put in charge of things pertaining to God on their behalf, to offer gifts and sacrifices for sins. He is able to deal gently with the ignorant and wayward, since he himself is subject to weakness; and because of this he must offer sacrifice for his own sins as well as for those of the people. And one does not presume to take this honor, but takes it only when called by God, just as Aaron was.

So also Christ did not glorify himself in becoming a high priest, but was appointed by the one who said to him,

"You are my Son,

today I have begotten you";

as he says also in another place,

"You are a priest forever,

according to the order of Melchizedek."

In the days of his flesh, Jesus offered up prayers and supplications, with loud cries and tears, to the one who was able to save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission. Although he was a Son, he learned obedience through what he suffered; and having been made perfect, he became the source of eternal salvation for all who obey him, having been designated by God a high priest according to the order of Melchizedek.

Mark 10:35-45

James and John, the sons of Zebedee, came forward to Jesus and said to him, "Teacher, we want you to do for us whatever we ask of you." And he said to them, "What is it you want me to do for you?" And they said to him, "Grant us to sit, one at your right hand and one at your left, in your glory." But Jesus said to them, "You do not know what you are asking. Are you able to drink the cup that I drink, or be baptized with the baptism that I am baptized with?" They replied, "We are able." Then Jesus said to them, "The cup that I drink you will drink; and with the baptism with which I am baptized, you will be baptized; but to sit at my right hand or at my left is not mine to grant, but it is for those for whom it has been prepared."

When the ten heard this, they began to be angry with James and John. So Jesus called them and said to them, "You know that among the Gentiles those whom they recognize as their rulers lord it over them, and their great ones are tyrants over them. But it is not so among you; but whoever wishes to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wishes to be first among you must be slave of all. For the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life a ransom for many."

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The Letter to the Hebrews is as mystifying a book as any in the Bible. It is both revealing and obscuring. It needs to be read carefully and intentionally... with your spiritual antennae turned just right. It’s a book that comforts and encourages on the one hand and frightens on the other.

The passage we have heard read this morning is somewhat typical of the Letter.

It describes Jesus as our Great High Priest, yet we know that Jesus was no priest at all. It quotes Psalm 110, which refers to Christ “a priest forever, according to the order of Melchizedek.” Melchizedek is mentioned only one other place in the scripture. He was the King of Salem and a priest of “God Most High” who met Abraham just after Abraham defeats a number of “kings” in battle, rescues his nephew Lot... and carries away all sorts of spoil. Melchizedek blesses Abraham and now here we read that God elevates Christ to be priest forever, in the order of Melchizedek. We know almost nothing of this man... and the little bit that the writer of Hebrews gives us doesn’t help us solve that mystery.

The writer was clear about one thing... The path that Christ took towards this honor was suffering and death. And because He suffered he is able to deal “gently” with us. His weakness allows him to understand our weakness and he is compassionate. A high priest must be able to relate, in every way, with those for whom he ministers.

This passage from this portion of Hebrews resonates with me... “In the days of his flesh, Jesus offered up prayers and supplications, with loud cries and prayers,...” This small section reduces our Lord to a person... a person crying out to God, hoping that his prayers are heard... It’s a very moving piece of scripture. This is where we are... in life we can only sometimes pray... This is something Jesus knows.

James and John, disciples of Christ... who with Peter and the rest, as we know, have left family and homes, farms and fishing gear, to follow Jesus... soon to be saints... icons to the church forever.

Jesus called them the “sons of thunder”... other sources might say “sons of tumult” or “sons of anger”... but the sense is the same. We really know so very little about the disciples but this story maybe gives us a glimpse of personality. The story goes... they approach Jesus with a special request. “Lord, grant us to sit, one at your right hand and one at your left, in your glory.”

To be fair to the two brothers... Jesus had just shared with them probably the clearest words about what was coming at Jerusalem. Here’s how it reads in Mark.

“They were on the road, going up to Jerusalem, and Jesus was walking ahead of them; they were amazed, and those who followed were afraid. He took the twelve aside again and began to tell them what was to happen to him, saying, ‘See, we are going up to Jerusalem, and the Son of Man will be handed over to the chief priests and the scribes, and they will condemn him to death; then they will hand him over to the Gentiles; they will mock him, and spit upon him, and flog him, and kill him; and after three days he will rise again.’”

So... they hear what Jesus has just told them but they ask anyway. I don’t believe these two were merely being arrogant... or self-serving... maybe they were just being devoted... maybe they were just being committed... In any case they ask and Jesus says, “You do not know what you are asking.”

The prophet Isaiah writes of the suffering servant. This is a poem that points to the restoration of the nation of Israel. It is “messianic”... it speaks to a future that is glorious, and victorious. We know this portion and have received it as a poem that prefigures the life of our Lord.

We see Christ in these verses as clear as day...

“But he was wounded for our transgressions,

crushed for our iniquities;

upon him was the punishment that made us whole,

and by his bruises we are healed.”

“They made his grave with the wicked

and his tomb with the rich,

although he had done no violence,

and there was no deceit in his mouth.”

And our theology is built on these passages...

“But he was wounded for our transgressions,

crushed for our iniquities;

upon him was the punishment that made us whole,

and by his bruises we are healed.”

“... yet he bore the sin of many,

and made intercession for the transgressors.”

Clearly the disciples did not see things as clearly as we do. And Jesus again disavows them of their expectations... “You do not know what you are asking.”...

So Jesus says to John and James, “Don’t you know...? You must drink the cup that I must drink... you must suffer what I must suffer to sit in the same place where I must sit.” And I think John and James must have seen that... at some level they must have been aware that this path they are on will cost Jesus and will in turn cost them. Others had already turned aside. I think there were times over the three years that Jesus was with them when the fear and anxiety was just thick. Where they felt at any moment they would be arrested or simply killed. On a number of occasions the authorities were very clear in where this would end. But they had missed something... as had the others...

I’m not sure what the Jews of the first century thought concerning the Messiah... the church has maintained that there was a general expectation that Messiah would come and deliver them from their enemies, restore the Nation and rule in Righteousness. I don’t know if that’s altogether true or not. But it’s clear from our Gospel narratives that the people were generally despised by Herod, Rome, and to some degree their religious leaders. In any case, the disciples believed Jesus was the One and that he would be ushering in something exciting and new and that they would soon be principal members of this new “something”, maybe even “big shots” alongside Jesus. They may have even understood the role of the suffering servant and believed that once he was “raised” he would rule. They seemed to have a pretty good idea of what “ruling” might look like.

Jesus challenges their expectations of “power”, “authority”, and “rule”... He contrasts what they know and what they see around them with what will be the expectation in the “new community”. “Status” will not be as it is with the kings, lords, bosses we see around us. To be “great” a person must be a servant for others... to be “greatest” a person must make of themselves a slave for others. What does that mean? It means that “status” and “leadership” has been completely turned upside down... completely disassembled... completely redefined. I think these words of Jesus could say a lot about the nature of relationships... I mean these words could radically alter society as we know it... but his words speak to individuals... to each of us... where we live... in our homes, our communities... where we work, and where we worship. Jesus is saying that if you want to do something that is really worthwhile then serve others... put others first... and don’t think about the “greatness” of what you are doing. More than likely you’ll receive a “thank you”... and though there’s no guarantee of that, it may be the only thing we ought to seek.

Ordinary 23, 2012

Job 23:1-9, 16-17

Then Job answered:

"Today also my complaint is bitter;

his hand is heavy despite my groaning.

Oh, that I knew where I might find him,

that I might come even to his dwelling!

I would lay my case before him,

and fill my mouth with arguments.

I would learn what he would answer me,

and understand what he would say to me.

Would he contend with me in the greatness of his power?

No; but he would give heed to me.

There an upright person could reason with him,

and I should be acquitted forever by my judge.

"If I go forward, he is not there;

or backward, I cannot perceive him;

on the left he hides, and I cannot behold him;

I turn to the right, but I cannot see him.

God has made my heart faint;

the Almighty has terrified me;

If only I could vanish in darkness,

and thick darkness would cover my face!"

Psalm 90:12-17 Page 718, BCP

Domine, refugium

So teach us to number our days *

that we may apply our hearts to wisdom.

Return, O LORD; how long will you tarry? *

be gracious to your servants.

Satisfy us by your loving-kindness in the morning; *

so shall we rejoice and be glad all the days of our life.

Make us glad by the measure of the days that you afflicted us *

and the years in which we suffered adversity.

Show your servants your works *

and your splendor to their children.

May the graciousness of the LORD our God be upon us; *

prosper the work of our hands;

prosper our handiwork.

Hebrews 4:12-16

The word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing until it divides soul from spirit, joints from marrow; it is able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart. And before him no creature is hidden, but all are naked and laid bare to the eyes of the one to whom we must render an account. Since, then, we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast to our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who in every respect has been tested as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore approach the throne of grace with boldness, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

Mark 10:17-31

As Jesus was setting out on a journey, a man ran up and knelt before him, and asked him, "Good Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?" Jesus said to him, "Why do you call me good? No one is good but God alone. You know the commandments: 'You shall not murder; You shall not commit adultery; You shall not steal; You shall not bear false witness; You shall not defraud; Honor your father and mother.'" He said to him, "Teacher, I have kept all these since my youth." Jesus, looking at him, loved him and said, "You lack one thing; go, sell what you own, and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; then come, follow me." When he heard this, he was shocked and went away grieving, for he had many possessions.

Then Jesus looked around and said to his disciples, "How hard it will be for those who have wealth to enter the kingdom of God!" And the disciples were perplexed at these words. But Jesus said to them again, "Children, how hard it is to enter the kingdom of God! It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God." They were greatly astounded and said to one another, "Then who can be saved?" Jesus looked at them and said, "For mortals it is impossible, but not for God; for God all things are possible."

Peter began to say to him, "Look, we have left everything and followed you." Jesus said, "Truly I tell you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields, for my sake and for the sake of the good news, who will not receive a hundredfold now in this age--houses, brothers and sisters, mothers and children, and fields with persecutions--and in the age to come eternal life. But many who are first will be last, and the last will be first."

Job is a man of whom it really can be said that he was unjustly treated. He seemed to have everything going for him. He seemed to have everything... but... in short order, as the story goes, it was taken from him. He has some cause to be angry... I think, he has some cause to seek answers, and he has some cause to point a finger at God... at least to ask the question, “why?” Here is a man who works and wills to order his life in all ways it seems. He was a successful businessman, his neighbors respected him, he was a family man, and he was devoutly pious.

A man comes to Jesus. Is he the “rich young ruler”? Luke calls him “a ruler” in his Gospel and we know from the story that he was wealthy. He was devout... and I think he was sincere. He had some doubts and he saw in Jesus a teacher that could help him with these doubts. He leaves troubled... more troubled than he was before he asked his question... perhaps more troubled than he had been his entire life. We don’t know anything about this “rich ruler”. We don’t know how he became wealthy or how his stature in the community was developed. We do know that he was devout. We know that he cared about his religion and was serious about it. We know that he recognized something in Jesus that many did not. Did he have an agenda that we know nothing about? Was he hiding something? We just don’t know... however it seems he was simply a sincere seeker who really wanted to know the answer to the ultimate question, “What must I do to inherit eternal life?”

The story records this moment where Jesus looks at the man... and loved him...

This is the moment before he tells him the one thing that he lacks...

This is the moment that I want to stay with. I want to cling to this one moment. I want to live in this moment... but... and I get this feeling that Jesus is almost reluctant to go on... the love of God, it seems, does not “live” in a moment.

So Jesus tells this man the one thing he lacks and it catches this poor man completely off guard. This is not what he expects at all... or so it seems. He is completely deflated... undone... dejected. He goes away sad. He knows that this is the one thing he’s feared and he can not, at least at this moment, in this crowd of people, agree to this demand. Maybe later... he came to desire so much to follow Christ that he gave all that he had to the poor and left all of his life behind... we just don’t know. We only know that this man left so deeply troubled about giving up this part of his life. So deeply troubled that he left and probably didn’t return. This is a man eager enough to be with Jesus that he ran to him and got down on his knees to ask his question.

What is it about Christ that is like this? What is it about Christ that we fear? I think this story instructs us about the nature of a truly devout life... a life given to God. I think when we approach Christ and ask “the ultimate question” we must be willing to hear the impossible. We must be willing to bear the weight of a sadness that may come when we hear the answer... the answer that we may not expect. I think that throughout our lives... if we are open to listen... we will hear the “answer”. Christ will take us unawares.

Christ turns to a group of disciples who have left everything dear to them to follow him. They are perplexed, frightened, and maybe even angry about what they just saw. “Why turn away a guy who has wealth and power... surely the kingdom could use men and women like this... but not only this... Jesus seems to say that his wealth and position just gets in the way of salvation. OMG! What are you saying!?” Jesus had much to say about wealth and power... none of what he says is flattering and what he doesn’t say is even less so ... but what we see here goes beyond that. Jesus is getting at the heart of what is ultimately important, what is important eternally... at least for this rich young ruler... and for the disciples... and for us, if we are willing to hear.

God’s love does not rest in moments. God’s love is pervasive and persistent. God’s love will not allow us comfort if being comfortable keeps us from really seeing what is important. We must be willing to bear the impossible. We must be willing to give all.

Amen. 

Autumn

Advent is around the corner and things are changing. Of course things are changing, this is what the season is about.

My internship with Saint Paul's will conclude at the end of Advent. I wish I could say that I'm really looking forward to it... or do I wish I could say that I wish it wouldn't be ending so quickly. I'm ready for it to be over but I have some real concerns about the direction some things are taking. I have this strong sense that once ordained and serving in a faith community I will be "used" to plug gaps in "ministry". I feel like I might be stuck in something that I really don't have a desire to do. Right now that's kid's formation. I like hanging around with the little kids (teens as well) but this is not what I feel called to. What I feel called to, is what I’m trying to sort out during my internship, where I am helping out with the little kids. Working with, being with, or teaching little kids (and teens) can be fulfilling and fun... I can take satisfaction in that I am helping the community in a really practical way as well... I’m watching kids while mom and dad get a chance to take part in formation of their own, I’m giving mom and dad a break, I’m giving the kids a chance to experience the scripture and the prayers of the church, I’m allowing others to take a break from the responsibility of doing this, and the list goes on. And while doing this at Saint Paul’s I have been told/asked/encouraged that I will be taking over the “youth group” at Christ Church when I return. OK. I feel like I’m being asked to plug gaps... is that what Deacons do? I confess... I’m disappointed. I thought the ministry of the Deacon would be something a little more... important?... more sophisticated?... more adult? Well... maybe it is... or maybe it isn’t. I shared my feelings with J and with my “mentor Deacon”. Both were sympathetic and agreed with me. I shouldn’t merely be used to fill ministry gaps, or take up the slack because people are tired or just unwilling to step up. I agree with their agreement but... on the other hand... a Deacon is a servant. So I’m hearing the Holy Spirit whispering to me that, “This is what I’m calling you to. I’m calling you to fill the gaps.” So I need to continue to think on these things but I’m not nearly as concerned as I was or as fearful.

My vision for my ministry is beginning to become more focused... some of this vision I can't articulate at this point. I don’t know how I will “live into it”. I know it has something to do with reaching out in the community, opening my ears and eyes to the lives of the people in the community, especially among the working class and the new comers and their families. I want to reach out beyond the walls of the church to bring “church” to these people as well, to “plant” expressions of “church” in nontraditional ways and places. Evening Prayer in the park, Morning Prayer at the coffee shop, and other “rest stops” for busy lives. I want to see the church (Faith Community) offering “ministries” to needs; Recovery groups, Parenting groups, Support Groups, and I want to see Christ at the center of these activities, touching the lives of people.

Of course I want to be an integral part of the worship of the Faith Community as well. I feel I’m gifted in some sense to be a presence at the Liturgy and feel that this “grace” will be intensified at my ordination. The church needs these “icons”... and I’ve consistently felt this as a calling.

So, things seem to be progressing as they are meant to be. I will be “preaching” at Saint Paul’s before I leave. A scary idea but one I am willing to take on. I’m going to be “preparing” some homilies in the next few weeks as practice and will post them on this blog. It’ll be good practice.

End of Summer

The office reading for tonight from the Old Testament is Job 3.1-26. If anyone might lay claim to feeling so bad that he wished he were never born it might be this man, Job, but the curse laid on his birth day is epic. This is Job’s opening salvo at the injustice of all that has happened to him. I can relate to these words and feelings. My complaints pale in comparison and amount to no more than pathetic self pity. When I read these words I admit that I feel that Job is justified at least. Last night I had one of those nights. Confusion about my call, anxiety about the firing of my kiln, frustrations about my failures as a dad, my struggles from day to day, and a few other minor irritations swirled around me like biting flies. Thanks be to God the “torment” didn’t last long. I was able to quiet myself and the “flies” at least stopped biting. It wasn’t long and I was asleep with the thought that God will sort things out and in the morning I would see things a little more clearly. And so it was.

An email came from the Bishop’s office the other day containing a few points addressing some questions from us “second years”. Some of my colleagues have asked if our internship could be extended a few months or more. The Canon through whom the email came stated that this was allowed as long as all parties agreed. I talked with my host priest and we decided that it was worth praying about. I also shared with my sponsoring priest. I think this caused some concern and will soon be visiting with her about this. She and I have talked about my coming back and both of us have felt excited about that. We will have an interesting visit I think. I do want to be back and serving in my home/sponsoring faith community but I do have reservations and want to be open to the Holy Spirit. Maybe hanging around St. Paul’s for a couple of extra months will reveal something new? 

Friday, July 20

Lately, or I should say, more and more, I’m thinking about getting back to my home faith community. And of course, what I should be doing as a deacon in my home faith community. 

I may be getting ahead of the game I suppose but I’m not trying to get a “jump” on things; I’m only reacting in a normal and natural way to what is rising in my heart. 

I think in this respect my “internship” has been very good. It has been a good time for reflection. 

I am in an “in-between” time. 

I am immersed in a new and different faith community with no position, knowing that it will be temporary. 

It is a waiting time. 

It is a time for listening. 

Though I do feel called to Austin and to Christ Church I may hear otherwise. I want to be open. I want to hear what the Spirit is saying. 

That was an important aspect of the “internship”; to take me out of my familiar surroundings, to see a different expression of the same faith, and to expect the Holy Spirit to speak still.

The 7th Sunday after Pentecost

I saw a colleague from my cohort of postulants the other day and visited with him for a few minutes about our internship. We asked each other in turn how things were going and agreed that we are basically observing and participating as “members”. He made a comment that the priest at his host community told him that he didn’t want him starting anything that he would have to continue after he was gone. Clearly this makes a lot of sense. I spent some time thinking about this on my way home from my host community. I am more or less a visiting member. I am trying to be a committed and active member while I’m with St. Paul’s and am enjoying the fellowship and worship. I am learning but only by observation and the occasional question that I might ask. There is no formal program at St. Paul’s for interning a candidate. To be fair, I wasn’t a postulant when I was introduced to St. Paul’s and being a postulant doesn’t guarantee that I will be ordained. I do appreciate the casual approach of the priest and deacon at St. Paul’s. They have many years of experience and want to make sure that I have the space to discern where my gifts and ministry move me. However, I think it would be good for an intern to do some things that a Deacon would do. Read the Gospel, set the Table for Holy Eucharist, and dismiss the people. Maybe shadow the deacon during an outreach ministry in the community.

This mornings first lesson:

David and all the people with him set out and went from Baale-judah, to bring up from there the ark of God, which is called by the name of the LORD of hosts who is enthroned on the cherubim. They carried the ark of God on a new cart, and brought it out of the house of Abinadab, which was on the hill. Uzzah and Ahio, the sons of Abinadab, were driving the new cart with the ark of God; and Ahio went in front of the ark. David and all the house of Israel were dancing before the LORD with all their might, with songs and lyres and harps and tambourines and castanets and cymbals.

So David went and brought up the ark of God from the house of Obed-edom to the city of David with rejoicing; and when those who bore the ark of the LORD had gone six paces, he sacrificed an ox and a fatling. David danced before the LORD with all his might; David was girded with a linen ephod. So David and all the house of Israel brought up the ark of the LORD with shouting, and with the sound of the trumpet.

The priest began his homily by speaking about David’s dance before the ark, how the lesson left out a bit of the story where Uzzah reached out to steady the ark which was being carried on a cart and was killed by the “glory” of the Lord. Later David learned how the ark should be carried and gathered the people of Israel to transport the ark. He danced wildly before the ark, stopping every six paces to offer sacrifices. David danced so before the Lord to save himself and his people from being destroyed. He danced to save his life! After this short reference the priest mentioned the General Convention of the Episcopal Church and read a Wall Street journal article that blasted the Convention, The Presiding Bishop, and the Episcopal Church. He also read a couple of responses to this article from an Episcopal Bishop and a layperson that detailed the errors of the WSJ article. He came right to the point and made a statement that was really profound. We like David are “dancing” before the Lord to save our selves. We are engaging in the “questions” of the day and pushing forward despite what others do or say. We must. 

"Staying"

One of the most telling images for the importance of staying is the advice given by another nameless elder to a brother struggling with temptation: "Go. Sit in your cell and give your body in pledge to the walls”. You have to promise yourself to yourself and to your actual environment, as if you were settling a proposal of marriage. You have to espouse reality rather than unreality; the actual limits of where and who you are rather than the world of magic where anything can happen if you want it to. The fantasy world is one in which I am not promised, espoused, to my body and my history---with all that this entails about my family, my work, my literal physical surroundings, the people I must live with, the language I must speak, and so on. It is a rather startling intensification of the command to love yourself in the right way.

This passage is from the book Where God Happens by Rowan Williams. It’s found in a chapter entitled Staying. I began reading this book months and months ago and for one reason or another put it aside a number of times. Each time I picked it up I read something that spoke to me. I’m making the effort to get through it during my summer months when I’m a little less pulled away though I’m finding I’m as much pulled away as I am during the school year. The subtitle of the book is “Discovering Christ in One Another” but it's really a meditation of lessons of living a devout and spiritual life taken from the desert mothers and fathers.

This chapter on “staying” is just rich. It speaks to me of my wandering mind and the boredom and monotony of everyday living. I must pledge myself to my life as it is and where it is. I can’t forsake the simple things like regular prayer, whether I “see” the mountaintop or the desert valley. This is a rich book that I will need to go back to again and again.

Postulant

I am officially a postulant for Holy Orders in the Episcopal Church in Minnesota and am looking towards ordination as a deacon sometime next summer. I no sooner got the news than I was met with a wave of doubt and anxiety.

The doubt and anxiety arise with the question, “Are you sure you shouldn’t be a priest?” and the statement, “Once you become a deacon you’ll never be a priest.” So I begin to try to sort it all out in my mind. “Can’t I start out a deacon then be ordained a priest later?” or, “Aren’t I drawn to the sacraments and the Altar?” So the questions start and the anxiety grows. At one point during this episode I struggled with the thought that maybe I’ve just been wrong about the whole thing and a fear gripped my mind and heart that I was just following a fancy of my own mind and that I wasn’t really called to orders at all.

A little help over a fence along my winding road

So I stopped trying to sort it out and began to pray and listen. I resolve to give it over to the Holy Spirit and before long the questions resolve themselves. I sensed this is either a vanity on my part or a spiritual “battle” meant to dissuade me. I felt I needed to speak aloud my confession, “Lord, I am fearful. Open my ears so I can hear clearly.” I also spoke about my obsession with the idea of the priesthood and verbally set it aside. So I came through this with a clearer sense of my place and calling.

?

I’m on the other side of the "little" wilderness experience. Of course I don’t know how my discernment/candidate process will shake out as I haven't received word of an appointment with the Bishop. I don’t foresee anything happening for the next few weeks in that regard. I guess I could take that as a bad sign but I won’t. It is what it is and will be what it will be. I will not try to politic my way through this process or try to “sell myself” to the Bishop and everyone around me. Frankly, I wouldn’t be very good at that. This has to be an honest process.

My next class has started with some preliminary reading from J.N.D. Kelly’s Early Christian Doctrines. I’ll miss the first “class” but will catch up with note from the instructor and reading. Most of my courses are “on-line” so it really is tough missing the time that I can spend face-to-face with the instructor. I hope to touch base with my classmates via email... see if I can get them to “discuss” with me some of the things that I’ll miss. This is the kind of reading I like. I picked up another book at a library book sale that I thought might complement Kelly’s, Reading Scripture with the Church Fathers by Christopher A. Hall. This is an IVP book. It looks like it hasn’t even been opened. Poor guy... he writes a book, someone buys it, it sits around for about a decade, clearly whoever bought this book just doesn’t get around to it, and I pick it up for 50 cents. The forward was good. Never skip reading the Forward to a book. You pick up so much about the author’s frame of reference from the forward.

Well, I’m guessing that the next couple of months should be telling for me. I think I’ll know by the end of May if I’ll be overlooked or be accepted as a postulant for the Diaconate. 

So, I guess, I am lingering still in the little wilderness. 

the wilderness is beautiful

Beneath the Treads

I am just finishing up the worst week I’ve had in at least a decade, probably more I think. Just spiritually and emotionally wrung out like a dirty dishrag. Actually a dirty dishrag probably is nicer than how I’ve felt all week. Two things have been the main players.

One is the question that I’ve been struggling with for many weeks now. Am I a priest or am I a deacon? I know this is serious but why does this continue to keep swirling around in my head? Prayer doesn’t seem to get me anywhere and thinking surely doesn’t. Right now I will say, like I did during my initial discernment (and my discernment team seemed to say the same thing) I can’t say emphatically no to the priesthood but I can say yes to the diaconate. What’s wrong with this? Some I’ve talked to just say it’s wrong and you need to be sure. Maybe.

Another issue is my psychological examination. What a trouble this has been to me! I read it with a growing sense of alarm, shame, and almost complete disbelief. I just was completely undone by what I read. Still am feeling just about done in by it. I went through it many times. I emailed and asked for revisions in some of the language (very damning in my opinion), which they changed immediately. I then went through the recommendation section point-by-point and added comments to rebuff what was written. The recommendation itself wasn’t really the issue. I felt it was over-stated but it did address an area of my life that needs some work. What I was upset about was the mess the psychologist had made of the reasons for his recommendation. I was just floored. I get it that psychology uses a language that I may not be used to but most of what I read was just off the mark. My faith story was more or less thrown aside for a very clinical and cynical edit. The thing that really struck me was that it was written with authority and absoluteness. I just feel helpless, knowing that this document will go to the Bishop.

The question now is what I need to do. I will admit that early on in the week I felt as if I should just cache it in at this point and forget the whole thing. I honestly don’t know what is keeping me from doing that. I wonder if shame isn’t keeping me from it more than anything right now. This is a very hard time. To top it off I just feel dried out spiritually. This is a carry over from the week before.

Last night I had a brief moment of awareness that the presence of the Holy was with me. It was a sweet sense of peace and stillness.

One thing that is just astounding is the ferociousness of this episode. It’s been oppressive. I can’t reason my way out and I can hardly pray. I’m just hanging on and going for the ride. I should be telling myself that I don’t need “validation” from this psychologist; that I find my validation in my self and in my faith. But I just can’t seem to tear myself away from the abjectness of it.

I did contact a number of people about this but heard scant little in return. I didn’t share details but generally told them how I felt after reading the assessment. I feel that they just melted away from me. It’s not easy to be near someone who is touching “death”... better to keep your distance. I know the feeling. I’m not complaining or accusing them of doing something wrong. This is natural. It points out to me the insidiousness of my experience though. One thing can demolish a credible reputation. I did contact the Missioner for Ministry and explained how I felt and asked if I could send along my version with my comments. She said that she would welcome that. 

Post Easter Wilderness?

Wow.

I am feeling completely out of sorts. When I get quiet it’s just quiet. When I pray I’m just saying words. When I read it just ends when I stop. Life is really thin right now... and it is easy to slip in thought, word, and deed.

There are definitely highs and lows in this life.

This is a time when I ought to be elated. I should be “feeling” the mountaintop. I should be floating in the Sabbath of God. Holy Week and then Easter. Celebrating Palm Sunday, Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, Holy Saturday and then Easter. I just shriveled through the week. My head and heart are filled with cotton. It’s like I’m walking in a thick fog.

It’s so Strange.

Life goes on. I have a chapter to read, some writing to do, and I need to start working with my group as we begin to develop some theology on this question, “how can we help a middle school aged child who is being bullied know that God is present in his/her life.” Ought to be fun but it’s feeling strangely clinical and lifeless.

One bright spot maybe is that I’ve started thinking about my internship in a slightly different way. Maybe I’m getting some direction? I’m going to try to understand what’s going on in Owatonna (what’s the culture of this town? What are the obvious needs there? What are the not so obvious needs? How are the town politics? etc...). How is Saint Paul's responding to the needs there, how is Saint Paul’s coordinating with what is being done there, does Saint Paul's have a platform, a presence, and where does Saint Paul’s need to expend it's energy?

God help me.

Easter Eve

I learned something tonight. Well... I suppose I learned a number of things. I learned that it takes me 42 minutes to drive from Owatonna without stopping for coffee. I don’t even want to take time to calculate how much time I’ll be on the road during my Internship. It doesn’t matter.

I’m listening to audio books. I’ve listened to most of The Silmarillion and am just finishing up The Evolution of God by Robert Wright. Wright’s book is good. It has some really humorous lines in it. It’s a little hard to listen to. He dismantles the three “Abrahamic” faiths pretty soundly with the purpose I think of taking some of the uniqueness out of them. Listen, you’re all in the same boat; you’ve evolved from the same Neolithic roots; the God you worship is the same “God”. Because Jew, Christian, Moslem evolve from these same roots the end game can be peace. He also writes about science and “God” and uses some really fascinating arguments for the “trajectory” of the “Designer”, whether that “Designer” is God or Natural Selection. In any case, more on that later.

I was given the task of coordinating the Vigil Readings. Five readings with limited drama. People volunteered but we didn’t practice. It went well but not great. I think it made me self-conscious for the rest of the service. I wish we had had a chance to go through it at least once. Maybe I should have pushed harder to do this. Later, during Holy Eucharist the Priest and Deacon sort of signed that they wanted me to help as a chalice bearer. I was glad to do it but I felt out of sorts and stumbled around with the Deacon. The first person that came dipped her bread and I said “The blood of Christ.”... oops... forgot the last bit. I threw in a “The cup of heaven.” I got better. Well, I wasn’t the paragon of confidence that I should have been. 

Seven Last Words

I went to my first Service of The Seven Last Words of Christ at Saint Paul’s Episcopal Church in Owatonna, Minnesota. I don’t remember this service from when I was a kid growing up in the Episcopal Church in my hometown. My family didn’t attend the “extra” services. Having been back with the Episcopal Church for seven years I just find it strange that this is my first experience with this service. Really points out the variety in “TEC MN”.

Marc Chagall, The White Crucifixion

The service was very good. Rev. Michael does a great job. I particularly liked his reflection on “He said to his mother, "Woman, behold your son!" Then he said to the disciple, "Behold your mother!" (John 19:26-27). He talked about Mary at the “beginning” of Jesus' public ministry. They are at a wedding feast. The host runs out of wine. Mary says to Jesus, “They have no wine”. Jesus answers her, “Woman, what concern is that to you or to me? My hour has not yet come” Mary says to the servants standing there, “Do what ever he tells you.” And so Jesus turns water into wine and it begins. Three years later (more or less) he is being crucified. Mary watches from the foot of the cross. Rev. Michael made an observation about Mary and what she must have been thinking. She probably isn’t thinking about the salvation of the world, the coming Kingdom, the resurrection; she was watching her son die. So John took Mary to be his mother. They lived with each other and shared this memory.

There were only a small handful of people at this service. Some were there at the beginning and left at some point while others came in later and stayed till the end. The sun was shinning. It was a quiet and pleasant day. Michael did most of the service while we responded to a reading of the psalms or a prayer. It was quiet and somber as it should have been. I don’t know the history of this service. I wonder what cultural milieu it grew out of? Does it fit today? It’s an old fashioned service; quiet and cerebral.